What started off as a fun poll has turned into a very serious debate with lives (not quite) at stake. So who is the unofficial mayor of West Roxbury?
Centre, Spring and even little streets like Bonair, are debating: TD vs. Tony, Gormley vs. Jacobson, and Waishek vs. Hennessey.
As the debate swirls like the stir of a cup of Anna’s Donuts coffee, reports of thuggery have already besieged the good names of the nominees.
One anonymous West Roxbury Patch reader emailed an incident that may or may not have occured. Fearing for his or her morning coffee, the reader will not be identified:
This whole thing is like the “Arab Spring” but with more freckles and a bit of Irish step dancing thrown in. Some burly guy with a Scally Cap and a union pin knocked my cruller from my hand this morning when I said I was “loyal to the undertaker.” Any truth to the rumor that [Tony] Saroufim rebels have taken Millennium Park?
Reports of the Saroufim rebels taking Milliennium Park are not true, according to David Estrada, a Boston Police Department spokesperson, and West Roxbury resident.
“There have not been any reports of any rebels of any kind taking over Milliennium Park,” said Estrada on Wednesday afternoon.
Seizing Millennium Park would make sense if this were an actual war, as Milliennium Park is an elevated location, but the votes will come from computers, (although West Roxbury Patch does have an app for your smartphone).
While Millennium Park lays unclaimed, the nominees have pumped the popularity poll by sending out mass emails, Facebook posts and phone calls asking for votes.
And one nominee, the beloved Tom “TD” Dougherty, even announced he wants all of his votes to go to his good friend, Richie Gormley.
In an exclusive ceremony with only Dougherty, Gormley, the press, and a painting of President John F. Kennedy, TD made his announcement, “I’m turning my votes over – Tom Dougherty style. I’m ahead because people like me, but my people are more internet savvy. Richie can’t even turn a computer on.”
Said Gormley, “Yeah, I’m not internet savvy.”
At the time of his announcement, TD was winning. Then Dougherty commanded his legion of social media savantes (much like Gormley is the Commander for West Roxbury V.F.W. Post 2902) to then reverse course, and cast votes for the understated Richie Gormley.
“I’m pledging all my votes and encouraging all my supporters and social networks to pledge their support for the new lord mayor – Richie Gormley,” said TD.
Said Dougherty, “I was devastated to read some of the quotes about how it was like Robin suckerpunching Batman. That Richie’s wingman was taking votes from him… I’m no Larry Zbyszko.”
TD admitted the last couple of days have been hard on him as the poll pitted him against one of his best friends. “They’re calling me Sammy the Bull and Donnie Brasco ratting out my boss.”
(Editor’s note: The Real Deal‘s Sammy the Bull sandwich is made of munster, lettuce, tomato, cracked pepper turkey, bacon and avocado. The Donnie Brasco is made on a white wrap, with tomato, lettuce, Boars’ Head Maple Turkey and Honey mustard.)
Not Everyone Happy with Handing Off of Votes
When fellow nominee Olivia Waishek heard about TD’s giving of votes to Gormley, the president of the West Roxbury Civic and Improvement Association, demanded an investigation. Said Waishek via phone, “I demand an investigation.”
Said Waishek, “I tell ya, I don’t know who TD is. This is a fun thing. It’s not something that’s going to be etched in stone. Or that you’re going to get $50,000 a year.”
While Waishek labeled TD and Gormley’s union “unfair”, she was happy to talk about her work as president of the American Arabic Benevolent Association. The organization currently owns Cheriton Grove, and is building Cheriton Heights, two elderly housing homes. “I’m also president of the Syrian Lebanese Womens Club of Greater Boston, which was established in 1934 and its main function is to distribute scholarships to young women every year. I’m also on the Agewell West Roxbury Advisory Board.”
And while Waishek wanted the nominees to stick to their racing lanes and not combine forces, she hypothesized she’d give her votes to Tony Saroufim or Mary Mulvey Jacobson, possibly even split them for those two.
When told about TD and Gormley’s plan, fellow nominee Mary Mulvey Jacobson said, “Oh that’s cute.”
Jacobson also figuratively waived the orange, green and white flag of Ireland.
“In all honesty if TD did turn all his votes to Richie… Richie is president of the Roscommon Association and I’m half-Roscommon and half-Galway. My parents, G-d rest their souls, my mother is from Galway, and my father is from Roscommon and was a friend of Richie’s father. So from a half-Roscommon to a whole-Roscommon person (Gormley should) split whatever he gets from TD with me.
“Richie’s family is from country Roscommon. I’m 100% Irish, but half-Galway and half-Roscommon. And I know Richie is a dual citizen and I’m a dual citizen too, I think county Roscommon should stick together and share the spoils,” added Jacobson.
Jacobson, who like several of the nominees sent out mass emails, facebook posts and phone calls for votes to see who is the unofficial mayor of West Roxbury.
She added many people have offered to run the Jacobson campaign, sending her campaign slogans, strategies, videos she put on youtube. “Absolutely crazy,” said Jacobson.
One person said to her, “‘Vote for Mary Mulvey Jacobson because potholes don’t fix themselves’.”
And none of the candidates chose to address the write-in nominee whose campaign has grown with the shouts of his name down Centre Street and through the halls of Catholic Memorial – Paul “Cappy” Capodilupo, Sr.
Stay tuned for updates on the Unofficial Mayor of West Roxbury poll. Will “Cappy” be added to the poll? Will the judges allow TD to give his votes to Richie Gormley? Does Gormley even need the votes?