Q: I am one of your stereotypical 27-year-old Bostonian women looking to find that right guy. I’ve been online dating for at least 2 years and try to get out and meet people when I can. Honestly, I’m starting to lose hope and wonder if I am being far too picky.
I’ve had three long-term relationships (ranging from 6 months to 4 years) in the past decade. The last relationship, which was 6 months, started online and I seriously thought was going to be “the one.” He was attractive, friendly, smart, understanding, treated me exactly how I wanted to be treated, and we had a great physical relationship. Everything seemed to be going fine until my father passed away a little over a year ago. I spent some time back in my hometown, and when I got back, it was a little under a week before he told me that he didn’t think he was falling in love with me. He did exactly what he should have when I was in a painfully depressed state — made sure I had friends and family to support me, and then disappeared out of my life once he knew I would be OK.
That’s all well and good. But he was exactly what I wanted (with the exception of not being in love with me, which just cannot be helped). I’m dating again, both online and otherwise, but I can’t seem to find anything that makes me feel that same way. It’s that “how do I find better than amazing?” mentality. While I feel that I have moved on, I can’t help but compare. I know it’s terrible.
I am definitely yearning for a partner to share my life with, but I refuse to accept a guy who doesn’t treat me how I feel I deserve to be treated. I have the occasional crushes, but they tend to become friends and begin dating “pretty girls.” (I am certainly cute and attractive, but I’m not a tall, skinny bombshell.)
My question is, do I need to lower my idea of the right guy? I don’t want to settle, but I can’t help notice that all of my friends are settling down, and I can’t even find a guy worth a 3rd or 4th date.
Should I stop being so hard on myself? Should I stick with it with the hope that my perfect guy is just floating around somewhere and I haven’t bumped into him yet?
– Too Picky, Boston